Written by Tricia Tenpenny, this parody of Don Felder, Don Henley, & Glenn Frey's Hotel California is about being a graduate student in psychology.
On a dark campus walkway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of bad coffee rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a flickering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dimmer
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard a distant yell
And I was thinking to myself,
'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she turned on a flashlight and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say . . .
Welcome to the Hotel Academia
Such a lovely place (but they're short on space)
Plenty to do at the Hotel Academia
Any time of year, you can find it here
Oh, she works on the weekdays, she works the weekends
She got a lot of expensive journals, that she calls friends
Others dance in the courtyard, free of regret.
She can't dance to remember, can't dance to forget
So I called my advisor,
'Please join me for wine'
He said, 'You're not done running subjects yet; p is only point oh-nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say . . .
Welcome to the Hotel Academia
Such a lovely place (but they're short on space)
No livin' it up at the Hotel Academia
Rub your tired eyes, for you must revise
Books stacked to the ceiling,
Diet Coke on ice
And she said 'We are all prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the final defense,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the thesis
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said my advisor,
'You've got your Ph.D.
You wanted to be one of us,
Now you can never leave.'
Copyright 1996 by Patricia L. Tenpenny
Hotel California copyright 1976 by Don Felder, Don Henley, & Glenn Frey
Written by Erin Chun, this parody of Don Felder, Don Henley, & Glenn Frey's Hotel California is about being in a high school honors English class.
In a small campus hallway, I met a cold stare
Warm smell of teenagers, rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance, my classroom was in sight.
My feet grew heavy and my thoughts were grim;
I had to solve a small plight.
As I came to the doorway, I heard the tardy bell.
And I was thinking to myself, 'I could be passing or I could be failed.'
Teacher gave us a big fright, when he showed our essays.
There were people just outside the door, I thought I heard them say:
Welcome to the Hotel Academia--
Such an ugly place (such an ugly place) and they're short on space.
Too much to do at the Hotel Academia--
Any time of year (any time of year); it is always here.
We work on the weekdays, and we work on weekends.
We got a lot of boring, boring books, our so-called friends.
Some just write lots of BS, free of the guilt.
Their class isn't titled, 'How an Essay is Built'.
So I begged my professor, 'Please, just hear me whine.'
He said, 'You haven't done all your rewriting yet; and I want your intro
refined.'
And still those voices are calling from far away;
Interrupt in the middle of his speech, just to tell me again:
Welcome to the Hotel Academia--
Such an ugly place (such an ugly place) and they're short on space.
No having fun at the Hotel Academia--
Wipe your crying eyes (wipe your crying eyes), for you must revise.
Books stacked to the ceiling, six-pack on ice.
And I know, I am just a prisoner here of my own device.
So at the semester final, we are gathered for the test;
I stab it with my ball-point pen, but I just can't kill the thesis.
Last thing I remember, I was running for the door.
I had to find the passage back, to the English class from before.
'Relax,' said my counselor, 'It's not a permanent D.
You signed up for the class on your own, now you can never leave.'
Copyright 1997 by Erin Chun
Hotel California copyright 1976 by Don Felder, Don Henley, & Glenn Frey
Written by Stephanie Brannick for her son, this parody of Don Henley & Stan Lynch's Learn To Be Still is about being a kid with a bunch of allergies.
It's just another day with your head in a vise
As you stumble from your bed
You'd give anything to forget
The mucus running through your head
You thought you could find some relief
As you romp that grassy hill
You thought that you'd be allergy free
But you never will --
Learn to take pills
We are like Hindus with a mantra
Dust mites, leave us alone
As we seek other remedies
And end up taking the wrong medicine home
But our sinuses cry out for another
And they still have something to sell
Again one more promising elixir
Finds its way to toilet hell
Learn to take pills
Learn to take pills
Now the flowers in your garden
They'll knock you off your feet
And maybe you've forgotten
That ragweed growing at your feet
There are so many contraindications
In all this medicine we take
(we keep asking)
How do I use this inhaler?
Doctor, can't you give me a break?
Though your nose is sore from sneezing
You try so hard to control the wheezing
So why is everything still in season?
And some day you will
Learn to take pills
Learn to take pills
You just keep on blowin'
Just keep on blowin'
Copyright 1997 by Stephanie Brannick
Learn To Be Still copyright 1994 by Black Cypress Music/Matanzas Music/The Night Rainbow Music (ASCAP);
all rights on behalf of Black Cypress Music adm. by WB Music Corp.
Written by Jill Scott, this parody of Joe Walsh's Life's Been Good is about what life is like if you're an ordinary average woman.
I had a husband, forget his name
After he left me, I wasn't the same
I live alone now, I like it that way
No one to tell me what to do or to say
It's said I'm crazy, I'm sure it is true
But I can't think of somethin' better to do
Life's been rude to me so far
My Honda Civic went 75
Judge took my license, now I can't drive
I have a bus pass, I ride in the back
I bring my knife in case I'm attacked
Life's been rude to me so far
I have a job now, it's boring as hell
Oh, what's the difference, it pays oh so well
I have a cubey, Eagles pics on the wall
I sit here all day now, I'm waitin' for Joe to call
Lucky I'm alive after the drugs I did do (she's a fool)
I'm always complainin', I'm sure you do too
Life's been rude to me so far
I used to party but not anymore
I got too tired of waking up on the floor
It's tough to gamble coz I never do win
I sure don't wanna do this all over again
Mom says I'm lazy coz I spend all my time (oh yeah)
Playin' the computer and chatting online
Life's been rude to me so far
Copyright 1997 by Jill Scott
Life's Been Good copyright 1978 by Wow & Flutter Music Publishing (ASCAP)
Written by Tricia Tenpenny, this parody of Don Henley & Glenn Frey's Lyin' Eyes is about President Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky.
Country boys just seem to find out early
How to fool the people for a while
He's President and he don't have to worry
The Secret Service men just wink & smile
Late at night, that big White House gets lonely
I guess every form of power has its price
And despite his vow of holy matrimony
He gives in to that old familiar vice
So he tells her he must work throughout the evening
To find a way to bring the crime rate down
But she's no fool and she's long past believing
'Cause no one keeps a secret in this town
CHORUS:
You can't hide your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes
In the Oval Office now a girl is waiting
With starry eyes and gifts no one would steal
He hurries down the stairs anticipating
'Cause she makes him feel the way he used to feel
He rushes to her arms, they fall together
He whispers that it's only for a while
And pretty soon he feels a whole lot better
She goes away and leaves him with a smile
CHORUS
He zips up and pours himself a strong one
She's given him another ugly tie
He's sure that he'll regret this in the long run
But he just can't bring himself to say goodbye
He knows this whole affair is simply crazy
She's twenty-two and barely out of school
He decides to let his memories get hazy
He hopes she hasn't played him for a fool
My, oh my, you two did do some strange things
You dodged it oh so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how being President didn't change things
You're still the horny guy you used to be
CHORUS
Copyright 1998 by Tricia Tenpenny
Original Lyin' Eyes copyright 1975 by Cass County Music/Red Cloud Music (ASCAP)
Written by Lloyd Eichorn, this parody of Jack Tempchin's Peaceful Easy Feeling was inspired by an old movie in which William Hurt turned into an ape.
I like the way your hairy knuckles drag
Across the ground so brown
And I want to sleep with you in your cage tonight
With a million bananas all around
'Cause I get a peaceful, easy feelin'
Whenever I go to the zoo
They're callin' me a monkey
'Cause I'm ape over you.
I'd like to spend eternity
Swingin' with you from tree to tree
They want me to plead insanity
'Cause I want you to marry me
And I get a peaceful, easy feelin'
Whenever I go to the zoo
They're callin' me a monkey
'Cause I'm ape over you
Copyright 197?, 1998 by Lloyd Eichorn
Original Peaceful Easy Feeling copyright 1972, 1973 by WB Music Corp. & Jazz Bird Music (ASCAP); all rights administered by WB Music Corp.
Written by Dave Cormier, this parody of Don Felder, Don Henley, & Glenn Frey's Those Shoes is about O. J. Simpson's Bruno Magli shoes, which played an important role in his civil trial.
Tell us just what you did that night, O.J.
There is no place that you can go
In the middle of L.A. and the drama,
there must be someone you know.
God knows, you're famous and rich enough,
but you're so guilty and the world's so rough.
You sure have somethin' to lose.
O.J., you can tell us, just what did you
do in those shoes?
Got those pretty little gloves all bloody,
Got blood in the car and DNA stacked against you.
And now those Bruno Magli footprints
Match those pictures of your shoes.
Desperation in the courtroom now,
an' all those lawyers are saying how
Somebody must have faked the shots.
O.J., yes you know it,
The pictures show you wearin' those shoes.
They're lookin' at you, leanin' on you
Tellin' you to confess your deed,
You still deny it all.
But the families know
It's all a show,
You're handy with a knife but so sincere.
Ooh, they're gonna get you now.
You just wanna live and go play golf,
They just wanna convict you and send you off;
The gloves and the shoes might be enough.
O.J., don't deny it,
What you did while wearin' those shoes.
Copyright 1997 by Dave Cormier
Original Those Shoes copyright 1979 by Fingers Music/Cass County Music/Red Cloud Music (ASCAP)